Intimate String

Intimate String           

A few years ago I met with some special women in my inner circle and discussed the possibility of starting a not for profit organization for women. The concept of this organization was to uplift, inspire and empower women socially, economically and politically (especially women of color). In a previous post I mentioned a “wise friend”, she was present at that meeting.  When we began to discuss the topic of the relationship between mothers and their children (in her infinite wisdom) she stated “there is such an intimate string between mothers and their children”. We were intrigued. She went on to say that after a child is born the connection much like the umbilical cord is not severed. The bond between mother and child is so strong that at times mothers don’t realize they cripple their children when they don’t require or allow them to become or expand their own self-sufficiency.  Recently I reflected on this very point with regards to my own children.  Of course being the mother of four totally different individuals, I had to recognize how my role as mom played into their growth, knowledge, understanding of self and value.  I had to check to see whether or not I was corrupting my “intimate string” by not being a ‘nagging Mom” (which is something I am definitely not J)  or enforcing my own dreams on them because it had some connection to who I was in years gone by or even if I was lovin’ them up too much (if that’s possible). I had to revisit my childhood and understand what things at different stages of my life I was seeking and how I could ensure that my own children had no lack in those particular areas. After my historic trip down memory lane, I realized that I had to be a blabber mouth.  I had to talk about things that were taboo both to my sons and daughters. I had to impress upon them morals of kindness, sensitivity and compassion.  I had to stress the importance of valuing who you are and being a blessing to people.

As mothers it is our role to uplift, inspire and empower ourselves and the intimate string between us and our children.  God gives us the wisdom to know (the "mother-wit") even though raising them does not come with an instruction manual. It’s a challenge to ensure that we are making the right decisions but when we see that our children have their own “Aha moments” about things we have shared we recognize that it was all worth it.

High-five your children today…let them know you recognize them in all their cute, sometimes obnoxious and loving ways. Then give yourself a high five (It’s not silly, I do it all the time J) to recognize yourself for being an awesome Mom, auntie, grandma, cousin (Just high-five yourself for being you!).

 

Lovin’ you is easy,

 

J

What is truth?

 

Sometimes we try to rationalize our truth. What does that mean? If our own truth is not what everyone else feels it should be, we manipulate it, redirect it and change it to ensure that it fits with the criteria of others. We undermine everything that we know will reflect who we really are and micro-manage ourselves into a comfortable little box in which we pretend to be comfortable.  Who can we blame when we place our own truth in the hands of others? Do we hope that we can periodically step in and ask permission to make adjustments to it? Do we try the subtle approach and ask nicely to have input on the presentation of our own truth?

Decide today that fitting in a box and stifling your truth is no longer something that you will participate in. Decide today that you are a unique individual with your own mind, hopes, dreams and expectations and although they may not align with the ideals of those around you they are grounded in the acknowledgement of your own truth. Decide today that if nothing else about you is known that you have a God-given purpose which is to be as authentic and true as you can be.

You will shine brightly when you wear your truth on your sleeve and share it with others. Preaching and Learning…

Lovin’ you is easy,

 

J

Fix what’s broken

I have learned that in order to be authentic, one must be transparent.  Transparency is defined in Merriam Webster in part as “easily seen through”. That I understand but what does it mean to be authentic?  Whose definition do we follow?  Merriam-Webster says authentic is “not false or imitation… real”. When we decide that being authentic is how we want to live our lives and share who we are with others, what does that mean for us? Do we lose who we really are because we are attempting to stage our lives so that it can appear that everything is all good? Or do we grow because we make the conscious decision to open up and be “real” so that others will be able to emulate or learn that freedom comes from truth.

I am not suggesting that we live our lives as we see on reality tv (because what a mess that is) BUT……if the cameras followed you around what would be revealed? Now I’m not saying that I would want that because I do like my private life but I would want to live a life that IF the cameras were following me it would uplift and inspire others to heal and change (I’m not there yet yall… J). Whatever those issues are that keep you from living a life of transparency you must heal from them.  Choose to fix what’s broken so that your life can be a testimony to those around you like ummm perhaps your children and others in your “circle of trust”. The ability to have the characteristic of transparency is a tough and ultimately challenging decision but I am certain it is well worth it.  We strive to have things that validate who we are but it is who we are that validates us.

Yup….here comes the challenge…in your journal (because I know you keep one or you’re going to run out and get one now, right?) Write down one thing that is broken. It could be a relationship, negative thoughts you have about yourself, your tone (you know you have THAT TONE) and how you are going to fix it. As you begin to fix what’s broken, cross it off the list and then pat yourself on the back. Revel in the fact that you are awesome and purpose driven. You are on a mission not to save the world but yourself and in doing so you may be able to help others.

Now get to it!!

Lovin’ you is easy,

 

J

O

Ok so....I wasn't going to comment on the Oprah in Switzerland story but after talking with a younger colleague I had to write.  We got into a full blown discussion about it and she just missed the point. Since I now know that sometimes you have to pull up your big girl panties and walk away, I decided to do just that.  Here is an excerpt of how the discussion went...we will call her X...

X:    Hey there, what's going on?

Me:  I'm well. What's good?

X:    Nothin' much...did you hear the story about Oprah Winfrey?

Me:  Yes, I did. (I have found that you can learn a lot about people if you just shut up and listen).

X:    Girl that was crazy wasn't it?

Me:  .................................PAUSE..........................awkward silence........breathing....3, 2, 1.

X:    I mean what is wrong with those people? How in the world did they not know that was Oprah?

Me:  (me talking in my head AHA!!! I knew it was going to go there) I'm not sure. What do you     think? (Yes....I was still on PAUSE).

X:    Everyone knows Oprah...really what is wrong with them? And even Oprah said she had on all of her "Oprah regalia" and they should have known it was her.

Me:  So, you take issue with the fact that they didn't notice Oprah?

X:    Yes, I mean really.....OPRAH!! 

Me:   I see.

X:    Oprah has the money and she should be able to spend it however she likes even if it’s on a $35,000 pocket book.

Me:  True

X:    I mean Oprah is Oprah....everyone knows her and they should have given her the bag.

Me:  (I could hold out no longer)   So you're telling me the real issue here is that the salesperson in the store did not notice Oprah and you are ticked off?

X:     And your not?

Me:   Ummm...no I’m not. Not about that.

X:    Why not?

Me:  The issue is not that they didn't notice Oprah.

X:     How do you figure that?

Me:  The issue is that they did not think that Black Woman could afford to buy from their store. It had nothing to do with the fact that the Black Woman was Oprah.

I could go on for hours but I'm going to end the dialogue between me and X there.  I can tell you I could not bring her around and decided to walk away.  Why are we so blind? Black woman are still looked upon as second class citizens despite all that we do:  look up Patricia Bath, Mae Jemison, Minnie Joycelyn Elders, Edith Irby Jones, Maya Angelou, Angela Davis.  We are intelligent, unique, loving, exceptional, diverse, charismatic, and stinkin’ AWESOME!  We hold down the house, are the back bone to our men, run businesses, shoot we even help to run the WHITE HOUSE. Read the archive blog:  Who cares? 

Hold your head up Black Woman…you matter despite their perception. If only we could get this through to more of the new generation of Black Woman. 

 

High five a Black Woman today and tell them they are awesome!!

 
Lovin’ you is easy,

 

J

Connections

Ok so I was getting on the train yesterday afternoon and saw the most interesting thing. There was a priest (of the Caucasian persuasion) dressed in his clerical collar and his Cassock (tell me why I remembered the name of the clothing from the show The Flying Nun…however I did check online to confirm the spelling). He was sitting rather comfortably on the A train enjoying the ride. Side note - Why is it that when we see a "man of the cloth" we straighten up? We are like oh shoot he's gonna tell on me so I better act like a child of God for the few minutes he is staring at me.  Lol  At least we feel like he is staring right into our souls even if he barely notices us. It was hilarious watching other people get on the train pushing others out of the way and coming to a dead stop once they noticed him sitting on the train. Back to the blog - So anyway, seeing him on the train was not the most interesting thing. He was sitting next to a brown girl and.....wait for it....they were sharing....headphones. Yes she had one side in her ear and he had the other one in his ear. They were bobbing their heads to the same tune. Isn't New York magical? Where else would you see something like that? I thought it was just awesome. It's just a reminder of how God connects us. He can use music to cross color lines, ethnicities, and politics. I mean music transcends it all. I just thought seeing them was so awesome that I had to smile.

 

Ok so what's my point? I recently found some papers and felt compelled after discovering them to share a poem with you. I have not shared my poem book with anyone so you are truly getting a special treat...YOUR WELCOME!... J  I wrote this poem back in the day, well actually it was April 25, 1983. Yeah I know I was only 2 and just a sweet little babe, but I was brilliant. J Now wait this is a no judgment blog so don’t start thinking “man she is a pack-rat”. So what if I keep a few things. (Interesting Side note - My daughter who is a lover of words like her Momma was born on April 25 but not in 1983). My love affair with music perfectly connects with what I saw on the train. So here it goes…

He touched me again and I liked it

What do I do with this feeling?
Not sure who I can tell
What will they think of me
It’s my fault I let him in.
Every time he knocked I opened willingly…who can I tell?
He creeps under the covers with me and we do that dance…I’m elated.
I think of him all the time
I can’t get him out of my mind
Why won’t he just go away…it would be easier for me
Then I won’t have to tell
He creeps
Through the chaos of the day or the silence of the night and I am under his spell.
I can’t escape him
Oh no here he comes and I just………………….LET GO
Because
I have no choice but to give in
He got me
And I let him
Music has again touched my soul.
 

Listen to some music and dance today!

Lovin’ you is easy,

 

J

Obituary

 

I had a conversation with a wise friend of mine. I talk to her often and with her calming spirit she always leaves me with a word or phrase to think about.  At our last think tank session she told me “write your obituary”. I was like...wait...hold up...do you know something I don't? (And you know I said it with attitude and a little bit of fear).  Are you about to take me out? Did you peak into my future and find out some things and this is the best way you see fit to tell me, friend? What you tryin' to say? She looked me straight in the eye and said "yes I know some things and you my dear are not living in your purpose even though you wear it on your sleeve everyday". I was taken aback for a minute and really did not know how to respond. Then she said, "write your obituary then live it". Again I could not respond. I was now in my thoughts not really hearing what was going on around me. I was picturing someone standing attempting to tell my story and describing the person that I was not. I was slightly offended that they did not have much to say and that it wasn't the story that I wanted told about me nor was it the satisfying life I know I should have lived.

We all have a mission, a purpose, a goal. Everyone has something that their heart is telling them to do. Ask yourself, what is that thing? Meditate and put some thought into you and do it.  If money was no object what would you do today? If the bills were taken care of what magnificent thing would you encounter and how would you let the world know how well you are living?

Live your obituary…. Don’t let someone else define, describe or try to tell your story. Write it yourself and live it.

 

Here’s the challenge…I know you were waiting for this  :)  Write your obituary and comment back on Mocha Minute. I’m interested to know how you wish to start living your life today.  I can’t wait to hear of your exciting endeavors.  We are going to keep this going and may even add a “look what I did”  section on the blog so you can post pictures of you doing something amazing that is all about you. Now get to it!

 

Lovin’ you is easy,

 

J

Pretty Girl

Hi there,

 

Amazing...things from your past can have a positive affect on your present. Hmmm....I like the way that sounds. Maybe I will start a phrase section on this blog called Dynamic thoughts of the day!!  Keep a look out for that...ok?

I digress....

I have for many years had a grudge against my brother. I know, I know but, I thought I had a legitimate excuse. For years everything around me told me that my brown skin, kinky hair and a big back side was unpretty but my brothers light skin and hazel eyes was more than acceptable.  My parents always told me that I was beautiful so there will be no therapy sessions bashing my parents going on here or anywhere for that matter.  They ensured that I was in empowering circles of girls both brown and not so brown so that I could get a good social mixture and be a well rounded member of society. The problem was many of the girls that looked like me felt the same way I did. Brown and unpretty.

So, I went on in life not feeling very pretty or comfortable in my own skin. From rockin' my mini afro to wearing braid extensions, I felt ugly and could not get past it for years. (And by the way, the cat calls on the sidewalk did not help my esteem either). I thought when would I feel pretty? When would I feel like I did not have to be in line with what society says about who I am and how I should look? When would I be comfortable to wear my braids if I chose to or rock that all natural look?

Well I must say, learning to love yourself is truly a journey.  I have developed a much needed love of me and it was not an easy road. But thank God, I've been changed (I won't start singing or maybe I will...stay tuned...) You wanna know what helped my transition?  My girls. My daughters, the ladies of my life. I realized that I had to become the woman I wanted them to see. I had to force myself to look inside and find the girl I was, understand why she felt the way she did and embrace all that made her special. I had to love that girl because if I didn't how could I tell my girls to love themselves lookin' all fabulous like their mama (BIG CHEESY GRIN WOULD GO HERE! J).

Inner love, outer strength (Another one of those dynamic thoughts...I'm on a role here...J). Embrace who you are. Love that chocolate, mocha, caramel, almond skin, that beautiful thick hair, those full lips, hips and thighs. Revel in it! And while your lovin' on you your showing another brownie... that fabulous comes in all shapes, sizes and colors. Love on a brown girl today!

Lovin' you is easy,

  

J  

 

Outside the box

Hey everybody,

I know...its been a minute.....ya da, ya da, ya da!!  :)

I remember being in elementary school and a friend of mine had some fly platform shoes (ok....and what? you liked them back in the day too!!) and I wanted to wear them so bad.  I told myself I would only ask her twice because three times would be begging and a fly girl would never beg (grade school logic I still use today).  She told me that I could borrow them not knowing that her foot was at least a half size smaller than mine. I took the shoes home, put those bad boys on and I just knew that I was the flyest of the fly. I mean I was BOSS (as my dad use to say in his Don Cornelius cool way). I set out my clothes for the next day lovin' on my borrowed platforms and my burnt orange Willie Smith outfit (as you can see I don’t mind dating myself...J).

I woke up overly excited about rollin’ in my ensemble. I got dressed, checked myself in the mirror and started on my way. The first block from my house I was chillin', in a little pain but nothing a fly girl couldn't handle – shoot beauty is pain, right? By the fourth block I felt like I was in some medieval torture chamber with laryngitis so I couldn’t scream for help. So you know the walk to school was brutal. When I got there I didn’t even care about the compliments, all I can remember doing was running to the back of the class where I had some slippers hidden that I happily put on and in an instant gave my friend back her platforms with a smile. I told her they didn’t work with my outfit (the color was a little off….yeah right!).

Why do we try to fit ourselves in boxes that we don't belong and why do we fear stepping outside of the box to embrace who we really are? I knew I could not fit those shoes but because everyone would think they were fly I put them on without regard for myself. If I could encourage one girl who like me had self-doubt allowing fear to encapsulate me and keep me in a box, I would say walk in your true self and if that means you have to say no to things that don't impress your spirit or uplift your soul then so be it. Let the true you shine and how awesome a gift that would be to yourself. Oh, yes...you do deserve to gift yourself. SMILE!

I will leave you with this....hurting feet can only take short walks but comfortable feet can take you farther than you could ever imagine.

Lovin' you is easy, just do it!

Take good care,

  

J